I Have to admit, we have had our fair share of challenges since the big move.I think nothing is better and more encouraging than being transparent about issues that arise in marriages and families so here goes.I've been struggling lately with feelings of not really mattering and thoughts of "what is my purpose now?". I love being a mother and wife but sometimes it's a struggle and there are times when I just want to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head or just walk out the door. It's hard when things just seem so mundane day in and out, when Abigail is fussy and clingy and when Gabe asks me the same question 5 times in a row. What is a mother to do? And on top of that, keeping the house clean and also loving and showing love to your spouse when you have no energy whatsoever.
Johnathan and I have had some pretty good arguments lately. He has a heavy load on his shoulders with work, being in a new place and the worries of selling our house. Selfishness and exhaustion come in and it just doesn't make for a good evening.Thursday night, he wanted to go out and grab something to eat. Well, as a mother I know what this entails, getting everyone dressed, diaper bag packed, everyone in the car and that's just the start. I was already tired when he got home from work and said, "why don't you just take Gabe out to get something." Johnathan took both kids and headed to a buffet which I found out later.(I would have warned him if the plan was known!).
While they were gone, I ate a bowl of cereal in peace, cleaned the house which was enjoyable for some reason, and watched a Sex and the City episode on T.V. I had a great evening! It refreshed my spirit and I actually started missing my hubby and kids.
Two hours later, the crew was home and the first thing Johnathan said to me was "I don't know how you do this everyday." Music to my ears because he understands why some days I have nothing left to give. I also appreciated him for giving me a quiet evening. One of the things I love about my husband is he's not afraid to take the kids out by himself and he's pretty good at it! Gabe loves going out with his Dad and I'm sure getting away from Mom.
Back to the whole purpose thing, I know my purpose right now is raising these sweet kids to be followers of Christ and showing them love and how to love. My other purpose is being one with my husband and striving to be the woman God made me to be. It' s just hard sometimes.
We have met some really great people so far and we are enjoying our neighborhood and the pool, one of God's many blessings I have realized with this awful heat and being in a new place with not much to do. I have much to be thankful for, the big perspective just gets tangled up and lost at times.
Have a great weekend!
I completely understand where you are coming from with all of this. I don't know how I am going to do the stay at home thing for a while especially while karie is in preschool. At work you can clock in and out and when the work day is done you leave and work again the next day but if your "job" is the house then what about those times when you are tired and want to leave work for an evening and you can't because you are on the clock 24/7. You are very lucky that Jonathan will take both kids out at the same time and give you that break which you deserve and need like once a week atleast!! I miss you slot and the play dates with the kids. We will see each other again!!
ReplyDeleteI miss having you guys around to hang out with and for karie to get to play with